who will cry for the little boy
lost and all alone
who will cry for the little boy
abandoned without his own
who will cry for the little boy
he cried himself to sleep
who will cry for the little boy
the boy inside a man
who will cry for the little boy
who knows well hurt and pain
who will cry for the little boy
he died again and again
It is in the shy environment that porn thrives.  It does not judge me.  It is unconditional.  It provides me with the pleasure I cannot extract from social sources.  Porn took root in primary school as a class seven pupil and thrived henceforth.   Now as an entrenched habit, porn has regularly interfered with my life.  And like the unwelcome weed I have tried uprooting it, but at most have trimmed back its growth.  It is still entangled within me.  Now after a year of reflection I have finally figured out this: that to get rid of porn I need to get to its roots, which is to say, I need to treat my coldnessness and lone ranger mentality.There is something about me that needs depravity.  I need to fail.  Somehow failing feels good.  I can wallow in it. And the greater the consequences of failure, the more perverse joy I gain from it.  By declaring I was ready to take on the world I raised the stakes for failure, and that made failure all the more alluring.
 I have also learned that my actions have consequences, and that I am responsible for the well-being of others.  I have learned to channel my actions into productive activities and, at a basic level, to control my urges and set limits.

Now I am ready to move on.  I do not believe it is productive at this point for me to dwell on myself.  I am ready to get outside of my internal world and focus on the world around me.  It only took 15 years for me to come out of my shell.  Also, I now have a family to take care of, and I have surrendered to the responsibility that the situation entails.  Its not about me anymore.dad was retrenched when i was dropping out of school because of alternatives i thought was paradise,mum has been a jack of many trades,from brewing liquor,to opening a posho mill,we are 9 sibling,am the 3rd born.to the ladies and gentlemen who will be keeping a sacred appointment,evrytym i will blogging,though bewildered by seductive voices,nursing wounds life has inflicted upon,anxious about matters that matter.yet you read and contributed for the better part of letting go the shackles,put on your seatbelt,you in for a ride!!!!!!